Dr. Jaime Goff — founder of The Empathic Leader and author of The Secure Leader — joins Dr. Dan for a powerful conversation about how attachment styles formed early in life shape the way we lead, connect, and grow at work and at home. Drawing from over 25 years as a psychotherapist, professor, and executive coach, Jaime reveals how self-awareness is the cornerstone of resilience, why compassion and curiosity can shift entire teams, and what it means to move from reactive to regulated. This conversation blends psychology, leadership, and practical wisdom to offer a roadmap for anyone seeking to lead with authenticity, security, and connection — because how you relate at home is how you relate at work.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN
Why self-awareness is the foundation of leadership — understanding your attachment style reveals unconscious patterns that directly impact how you lead
How to move from reactive to regulated — finding the space between stimulus and response where true leadership happens
What defines a secure leader — grounded in self-worth, trusts others from the start, and approaches challenges with compassion and curiosity
Why compassion starts with yourself — developing empathy for your own story makes you more able to give it to others
The "holding environment" concept — creating spaces where people are accepted for all they are and empowered to grow
How positive emotion protects and sustains growth — practices like savoring and gratitude act as buffers against stress and burnout
Why "what happened to you?" is more powerful than "what's wrong with you?" — curiosity about someone's story creates connection and understanding
LEARN MORE
Get new episodes every Thursday
October 2, 2025
Dr. Jaime Goff
The Secure Leader: How Attachment Styles Shape Life and Leadership
"When you develop empathy for yourself, you're more able to give it to others. Compassion starts with curiosity about our own story."
TIMESTAMPS
00:14:37 – Attachment theory in leadership: How you relate at home is how you relate at work
00:21:58 – The secure leader framework: Self-worth, trust, and empowerment
00:23:37 – Compassion as a starting point: Empathy for yourself first
00:31:25 – Leadership under stress: When compassionate leadership matters most
00:36:38 – The holding environment: Creating spaces where people can grow
00:47:02 – From reactive to regulated: The space between stimulus and response
00:49:26 – Positive emotion as protection: Savoring and gratitude practices
SHOW NOTES
Dr. Dan Peters sits down with Dr. Jaime Goff, founder of The Empathic Leader and author of The Secure Leader: Discover the Hidden Forces That Shape Your Leadership Story and How to Change Them. Together they explore how attachment styles—formed early in life—shape the way we lead, connect, and grow both at work and at home.
Jaime shares her own leadership journey, from uncovering her avoidant attachment tendencies to transforming them into opportunities for trust and empowerment, to her current work. Dr. Dan and Jaime discuss why self-awareness is the cornerstone of resilience and how compassion and curiosity can shift entire teams, families, and communities.
Today’s discussion dives into what makes a truly effective leader and how it’s not only strategy but also self-awareness, security, and connection.
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Jaime Goff
Website — drjaimegoff.com
Instagram — @dr_jaimegoff
Book: The Secure Leader: Discover the Hidden Forces That Shape Your Leadership Story and How to Change Them
Companion journal and attachment style assessment available on website
Books & Research Referenced
An Everyone Culture by Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey — holding environment concept
Barbara Fredrickson — Broaden and build theory of positive emotion
Viktor Frankl — Man's Search for Meaning (space between stimulus and response)
Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah — What Happened to You? (trauma-informed approach)
Brené Brown — Love your employees
Key Concepts
Attachment styles — Secure, anxious, avoidant; formed early, shape how we lead
The secure leader — Grounded in self-worth + starts from trust with others
From reactive to regulated — Viktor Frankl's space between stimulus and response
Compassion starts with yourself — Empathy for your story enables empathy for others
"What happened to you?" vs. "What's wrong with you?" — Curiosity creates understanding
How you relate at home is how you relate at work — Patterns aren't segregated
The holding environment — Spaces where people are accepted and empowered to grow
Work definition of love — High standards with compassionate support
GUEST BIO
Dr. Jaime Goff is the founder of The Empathic Leader, where she specializes in helping leaders unlock their full potential through executive coaching, workshops, and keynotes. She also serves as director of leadership development for an international healthcare system, designing programs that inspire leaders to thrive. With over 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist, professor, and executive coach, Jaime is passionate about helping leaders craft empowering stories that help them become more secure. Her book, The Secure Leader: Discover the Hidden Forces That Shape Your Leadership Story and How to Change Them, applies attachment theory to leadership development, showing how self-awareness, compassion, and trust transform how we lead and live.
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