Unleashed Leadership: How to Stop Striving and Start Making a Meaningful Impact

Have you ever felt like you're doing everything you can, yet somehow you're not getting where you want to go?

You work harder, take on more responsibility, and push yourself to keep moving forward. But instead of feeling accomplished, you feel exhausted or stuck.

For many high achievers, the natural response is to try even harder.

But what if working harder isn't the answer?

Sometimes the very habits and abilities that helped us succeed are the ones keeping us from growing.

When Pushing Harder Stops Working

Leadership experts Dr. Garland Vance and Dorothy Wood Vance, authors of Unleashed Leadership, use a memorable analogy to explain this experience.

Imagine running forward while attached to a giant bungee cord. At first, you're making progress. But eventually, the resistance becomes stronger. You push harder, only to be pulled backward.

It's a powerful illustration of what happens when our responsibilities grow beyond the abilities and approaches we've relied on in the past.

I see a similar pattern in my work as a psychologist.

People who have built their identities around achievement often respond to challenges by doing more. More effort, more control, more responsibility.

But sometimes growth requires something different.

Instead of asking, "How can I push harder?" we need to ask, "What needs to change?"

Three Steps to Meaningful Growth

Garland and Dorothy offer a simple framework for moving forward: Decide, Discern, Deliver.

While they developed it for leadership, I think it applies to many areas of our lives.

Decide: First, we have to recognize that something needs to change and make a genuine commitment to doing the work. Whether it's improving a relationship, becoming a more present parent, or changing how we approach our careers, meaningful growth begins with a decision.

Discern: Before jumping into action, we need to understand what's really happening. What assumptions are we making? What patterns keep showing up? What role might we be playing in the situation?

This is especially important because we're often quick to address symptoms without understanding what's underneath them.

Deliver: Finally, we put what we've learned into practice. We develop new skills, make different choices, and continue adjusting as we grow.

The process isn't always comfortable, but it helps us move from reacting automatically to responding with greater awareness and intention.

Remember the People Behind the Goals

One of the most meaningful insights Garland shared was that earlier in his career, he sometimes viewed people as obstacles standing between him and his ambitions.

Over time, his perspective changed.

Instead of seeing people as obstacles to achieving the goal, he began recognizing that people were part of the goal.

I think that's an important distinction, whether we're leading an organization, raising children, or navigating relationships.

It's easy to become so focused on outcomes that we forget how our actions affect the people around us.

The way we communicate, respond to challenges, and treat others has an impact that extends beyond the immediate situation.

A difficult interaction at work can follow someone home. A moment of patience or encouragement can change the way someone sees themselves.

We may not always recognize the influence we have, but that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

Moving From Performance to Presence™

As a psychologist, I've seen how easily our sense of worth can become tied to what we accomplish. We measure ourselves by